Auburn Skies

I brought my ‘94 T Bird to a slow stop at a light just out of sight of the mall.  I slid back in the driver’s seat, The Gaslight Anthem’s 59 Sound playing through the speakers over the low idling of the car.  My mind raced. 

I’m not going to be ready.  Why am I doing this?  If I had just retired I wouldn’t have to deal with this shit right now…

The last two weeks had been chaos.  Every time I finished and sent paperwork to my school, I thought the appeal process from hell was finally over.  Inevitably, time and time again, the call came, informing me that there was more to be done.  Sickle cell tests, physical therapy notes, Enrollment Services clearances, and more time spent in Staples’ scanning department then I would care to think about, had gotten to me, and I just didn’t think the frustration was worth the outcome. 

I was sick of paperwork.  I was sick of the stress.  I was angry with my coaches and the athletic office.  I was done with the preseason football baggage, and all I wanted was to be rid of it.

As this was running through my mind, I came back to consciousness, and looked up from the steering wheel that I had been staring at while my thoughts wandered.  Just past the roof of the mall, the sun was setting.  Even the tallest trees were already cast in shadow, the vibrant green of their leaves now a dark grey with gold trim in the waning daylight.  The sky was a deep blue; growing darker and darker the further you looked from the sun.  Clouds were scattered throughout the sky, dark grey plumes illuminated by streaks of pink, red, and purple.  Only half the sun was visible, as it slowly slid behind the tree line.  Beautiful stripes extended out from the sun’s auburn halo, bathing the world in fire.  The passenger side window of my car was open, and a crisp evening breeze gently swept over me…

Immediately I was transported to a brisk Friday night in October.  I stood, fully padded and dressed in uniform on the sideline, waiting for the loudspeaker.  The same crisp evening breeze that filled my car cooled the pregame sweat that drenched my uniform and beaded on my brow.  My teammates were already aligned up and down the sideline, a wall of maroon and navy.  I stepped to my place on the sideline, and looked to the scoreboard endzone.   Just past the short fence, a flagpole towered over the field, the stars and stripes gently waving.  The sky was a canvas of gold, auburn and purple, casting light over the darkening clouds.  The crescent moon hung high, becoming visibly sharper with the setting sun. 

My heart raced.  I bounced back and forth as the words of our National Anthem rang out over the stadium.  With each note my heart beat faster, adrenaline coursing through my body.  Though I mouthed the words, I didn’t hear them, only the beating of my heart and the flow of football notes rushing through my mind.  Like a dog on a leash, I couldn’t wait for “…the home of the brave” to release me.  With each exhale; a plume of vapor filled the air.  The stadium was silent, except for the voice of the singer; a final moment of calm before chaos.

As the final line of the Star Spangled Banner echoed over the airwaves I raised my helmet proudly above me as far as my arm would extend…

I looked up and the light was green.  I pushed the accelerator and the Thunderbird took off.  The sun was all but gone, leaving only an auburn and purple glow in one corner of the sky.  The tension and frustration was gone.  In its place was excitement and anticipation, for soon it would be a cool Friday night under an auburn sky, with my helmet raised above my head, and the roar of the stadium signaling one thing…

Kickoff.